Closet Inspiration

Today I have had a hard time thinking of a subject to write for a blog. My mind was drawing a blank, nothing was coming to me. I was beginning to think I was going to have to brave the heat and go for a walk and just start snapping pictures.

But today I found inspiration in the most unlikely of places, my bedroom closet. There is nothing really remarkable about my closet. It's small and cramped and STUFFED to the brim with things I have held on to. I don't even know why I have the majority of stuff in there.

It's to the point, I can't even add much more to the closet. It's at it's capacity, over the limit in fact. I have cleaned it out in the past, but somehow it always seems to get back to it's current state of brimming over.

I am not a clothes horse, or I never thought I was. I don't buy a new wardrobe every year. I keep the same thing and wear it over and over til it gives out or I just can't stand to see me wearing into another new decade. It's that practical side of me that refuses to toss clothes that are still good.

I have clothes from 5 years ago. Clothes from 10 years ago. I have clothes that I wore in high school still in my closet. Why I haven't parted with them, I have no idea. They don't' fit, they are out of style, and most likely will fall to pieces the next time I wash them. Just like one of those rugs I washed last week, that left some of it's rubber backing behind. I am still picking out pieces of rubber that emerge when using the washing machine.

It's that stuff that we hang on to that has me thinking today that I hang onto too much stuff. I need to do some serious closet cleaning. I need to toss or donate those old clothes. I am not sure who would want to wear a sparkly boat neck top from the 80's but I am sure there must be someone. People will surely fight over the mauve pink blazer that seemed like a good deal at the time. Everything seemed to be mauve and dusty blue in the 80's. Well when they weren't rocking out their sparkly gold boat neck top.

It's not just clothes that I have in there either. There are shoes. Not a lot of shoes from some women's standards, just a couple dozen pair. I counted 3 old pair of sneakers right on top of a pile of other shoes that really could be tossed. A part of me rebelled and told my inner self those would make good garden shoes. All of my old worn out sneakers get designated as garden shoes. It's just a given and not up for discussion my mind reeled.

I've got to do something though. I have no place to put anything new. I don't have any room for what I might buy today or tomorrow or in the near future. I am just too busy hanging on to old stuff.

I tend to do that with everything. It's an inner hoarder in me that refuses to let go. I hold on to things from the past and squirrel them away so that they are always there when I need to revisit them. It's nuts.

I don't know why it is hard to get rid of some things. I don't know why I cling to stuff that is old and no longer relevant. Why am I giving it much more meaning than it deserves? Past hurts or perceived wrongs..let it go! Past disappointments or a case of "could of, would of, should of" throw it out.

It's the weight of all that stuff that I horde that keeps me from letting new and current things in. If I am truthful with myself, none of that stuff that I keep holding on to is serving me any purpose, other than to hold me back from the possibilities of something new in my life.

When I think about my closet, my bedroom, the whole house, I can mentally tic off on one hand the things that I absolutely have to have, or want to save. Funny thing is, none of those things involves clothes (well except for maybe a change of underwear).

Things I would save:

1. The cat. She is a living thing and has value over stuff.

2. My purse. Not because it is full of money, but because it has my identification, driver's license, etc. etc. I don't want the hassle of trying to replace any of that. (I could mark this one down to laziness on my part).

3. My great grandmother's school bell. It's a small brass hand bell from when she first taught at a country school. It has some monetary value that is outweighed by it's sentimental value.

4. Photos. I would want to save the photos. Pics of people of my past and present and the memories they bring to mind that make me smile and feel melancholy.

5. A large old crock. It was something that I bought at an auction years ago. One of the few times my father and I bonded over anything. A shared love of going to auctions and sales to look for treasure.

There are a few other things, but nothing that I really couldn't replace if I had the money. That seems to be the recurring theme a lot with me. I am always afraid that down the line, I won't have the money to invest in or replace what I currently have, so I hold onto it. Something I do with memories, and feelings, and situations as well. It needs some cleaning out too. I need to just hoard those few things that I value more than the rest.

1. Words of encouragement

2. A warm embrace

3. Kindness

4. Compassion

5. Strength from within

I feel the urge to clean coming on. I need to get garbage bags and boxes and organizers and all sorts of things to start the process. If I look and dig deep enough, I might find more in there than I knew I had. And maybe I will find those big gold dangly ear rings to go with the gold sparkle boat neck blouse.