Chainsaw Massacre...

 

It had been sitting out in the garage for several weeks before I finally got the nerve up to even take it out of it's box. It wasn't a big one, not even one of the traditional ones. It was a baby. A 14 incher. An easy plug and go type, and yet it still was a bit intimidating.

I blame it on my mother. I blame it on my brothers. I blame it on every 911 emergency episode I have watched on tv. But I finally got brave enough to take it out of the box.

I had a new electric chain saw. The box it's self, didn't look all that big. The power tool didn't seem all that heavy either. Just perfect I thought for my first foray into chainsaw adventures.

I read part of the instruction manual. Two thirds of it was in Spanish and French. Of the few pages I read, most were warnings of using the equipment. It gave me some more second thoughts. Stuff tends to do that when every paragraph sentence ended with "possible injury or death"...

I took a deep breath and took the bull by the horns, or in this case, the chainsaw by the handle. (Bytheway there are two handles and you are suppose to have both hands on the chainsaw handles at all times.) I filled the oil reserve, read about adjusting the blade, looked at the diagram for instructions of adjusting the blade chain, read it a third time, looked at my saw and sighed. Evidently the model must have changed and the instruction booklet hadn't. The pictures didn't match my saw. So I pulled on the chain a little, thought to myself, looks good enough and strung out my extension cord.

I braced myself for what I thought would be a rush of power and noise and pushed the lock release and the power button. Buzzzz... I had power, and it quickly cut thru the tiny test branch. I pushed the button again and sawed another little branch, and I cut a third branch before mentally kicking myself. You are suppose to push the oil button thingy between each cut. Doh! I pushed it three times for good measure. Mentally chanting my mantra of push the oil button as I sawed and sawed thru more branches.

I moved on to bigger branches. They took more effort. But they succumbed to my trusty little electric powered saw. I got bold, cutting willynilly thru the thicket. Yes, I wasn't really cutting a tree yet, but a thicket of overgrown bittersweet vines. I am not sure what possessed that crazy gardener to plant them in the first place but they had gone wild. They overtook the fence, clung to bushes, ran up a couple trees til the green branches swayed in the top of the tree canopy.

I buzzed my way thru the jungle. Stopping only when the cord came unplugged or a bit of leaves and branches got sucked in and clogged the chainsaw chamber. I felt empowered. It was a rhythmic ballet of sashaying chainsaw madness. I started sawing with one hand. (no I hadn't chopped off the other). I felt giddy with my quick success. I started cutting bigger branches, the saw balked at the prospects but eventually cut thru the thicker diameter. I cut a larger branch and heard the cracking and watched in slow motion as it almost beaned me in the head.

I was getting careless in my euphoria, and yet all that I could think of was that I needed more power. (just for you Mac, inserting the Tim the Toolman Taylor Arrrrrr...arrrrrr yell). I looked at my saw, and looked at the pine trees I needed to cut as well and sighed. It wasn't going to happen today. It wasn't going to happen with my little saw. I needed something bigger, I needed more power. I needed to call it quits for the day because it started to rain and I was going to electrocute myself with my electric chainsaw.

I sat in the garage for a bit while the rain fell and just looked at all my carnage. I fell empowered. I felt somehow justified that I hadn't hacked off any major bodily limbs or suffered any loss of life, and I went ahead and tried it despite all the naysayers and warnings and confusing directions.

Today I am debating on whether to make another trip to the hardware store to look at getting a bigger gas driven chainsaw. Should I attemp the tree removal on my own? Should I have someone else do it? Should I even be allowed near anything with more power with more instructions and warnings? I don't know....

I may be crazy, but I am not stupid... well, maybe just a little. I really did like having the power...

arrrrr.....arrrrr.....

Cause Vero Said So....

 

I have been guilty of not blogging lately, and with Vero's gentle nudging I hope to get back into the swing of things.

I keep thinking something exciting will come along that I can write about, that will keep you all enthralled and on the edge of your seats....so far that hasn't happened. Like so many of you, I have been busy trying to get some work done outside and it seems to be a never ending job.

This past week-end was Arbor day and there is always a huge celebration in Nebraska as it is the home for Arbor day.  I didn't plant any new trees this week-end but two new trees were planted earlier this spring. Like everything else, it's one step forward and two steps back as I also have a few pine trees to remove that have succumbed to disease. That should make for an interesting blog in it's self as I am thinking I can surely take them out myself. At least that is what I keep telling myself, and they aren't really all that big, a little bit taller than the garage, and not that big around. But you know how things look from a distance. Once I have chainsaw - gas or electric- in hand I may be rethinking my capabilities. It doesn't help that everytime I even mention the word chainsaw, certain relatives of mine start to hyperventilate. I swear I am not that dangerous to be around but they evidently think otherwise.

The garden is alive with blooms and the lilacs, redbuds, crabapples, fruit trees are a sight to see. My head though seems to be unaware as most of my time lately seems to be down and staring at weeds and the dirt below them. Posted above is a pic of an iris called pugzilla that I have blooming now. The pic is not mine but from the website where I ordered from two years ago, and this happened to be one of the "freebies" they included. It's a tiny iris, a SDB that is about a foot tall. The regular tall bearded iris will be starting to send up bloom stalks soon, but I am not going to allow that yet as I am not finished weeding them... I doubt they will listen to me though. Nature has a mind of it's own.

I have found that to be so true a lot of the time when gardening. I plant stuff that die and try to kill stuff that keeps on living. I sow grass seed, to only mow it down and curse it on hot humid days when trimming. I make borders that only cause plants to self sow outside of them. I dig up more dirt, to plant more flowers, to have more weeding to do.

Gardeners are just a bit sick and masochistic that way.

I hope that my blog will do for Vero now, I will try and do better...both here and with gardening.

Name That Tune!... (updated with answers)

I thought I would post a little musical quiz for all of you. I have taken a couple lines from well known songs that I thought most of you would know or have heard of. Name the title of the song and if you can, the artist who sings the song or made it famous. Good luck and play fair, NO googling!

 

1. Now I've heard  there was a secret chord, That David played, and it pleased the Lord...

ANSWER: Correct George, it is "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen. It has been sung by numerous artists, and at the 2007 winter Olympics in Calgary, and is also a song in the movie "Shrek".

 

2. Well, I dreamed I saw the silver spaceships flying, In the yellow haze of the sun...

ANSWER: Half a point to you John, it is a Neil Young Song, the title being "After the Goldrush". Another tune sung by many artists, including the trio of Dolly Parton, Linda Rondstadt, and Emmylou Harris.

 

3. Well they said she died easy of a broken heart disease. As I listened through the cemetary trees...

ANSWER: Correct, it is "One HeadLight" by the Wallflowers

 

4. I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck, With a pink carnation and a pick up truck...

ANSWER: "American Pie" by Don Mclean - good job on getting this one!

 

5. And I am laying out my winter clothes and wishing I was gone, going home...

ANSWER: Correct again John, it is "The Boxer" by Simon and Garfunkel.

 

6. Every one of us has all we need, Sky of blue and sea of green...

ANSWER: "Yellow Submarine" by the Beatles

 

7. I never made promises lightly and there have been some that I've broken...

ANSWER: "Fields of Gold" by Sting

 

8. And I'm not ashamed to say, the roar of guns and cannons almost made me cry.

ANSWER: I knew you would get this one George! The song is "Fernando" by ABBA

 

9. I, love the colorful clothes she wears, And the way the sunlight plays upon her hair...

ANSWER: Good Job Um! The song is "Good Vibrations" by the Beach Boys

 

10. I'm standing here outside your door. I hate to wake you up to say good bye...

ANSWER: "Leaving on a Jet Plane" by Peter, Paul, and Mary

 

11. Oh, father and mother, sister and brother. If it feels nice, don't think twice...

ANSWER: "Shower the People" By James Taylor

 

12. Til now I always got by on my own, I never really cared until I met you...

ANSWER: Think 80's rock and big hair (I can't believe you guys didn't get this one) The song is "Alone" by Heart.

 

13. Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song, And I'll try not to sing out of key...

ANSWER:"With a Little Help From My Friends" By Joe Cocker

 

14. Oh, mirror in the sky, What is love?...

ANSWER: "Landslide" by Stevie Nicks/Fleetwood Mac

 

15. I bet there's rich folks eating', In a fancy dining car...

ANSWER: Good Job Misty! It is "Folsom Prison Blues" by Johnny Cash

 

16. I hear the dreams echoing tonight. But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation...

ANSWER: (I knew this one would be hard) The song is "Africa" by Toto

 

17. Are you ready, Are you ready for this, Are you hanging on the edge of your seat....

ANSWER: "Another Bites the Dust" by Queen

 

18. Spider Murphy played the tenor saxophone, Little Joe was blowin' on the slide trombone...

ANSWER: "Jailhouse Rock" by Elvis Presley

 

19. Leather and Jeans, We're rock glamorous...

ANSWER: "Paparazzi" by Lady Gaga

 

20. I got flowers in the spring, I got you to wear my ring...

ANSWER: Correct MkChippy it is "I Got You Babe" by Sonny and Cher

 

 

My apologies if the lyrics I copied from the web are inaccurate or if you have heard a different version of the song. Some songs are older, some newer. Good Luck!

Early Turkey...

 

Today is an early Thanksgiving celebration for my family, as it was one of the few days that the majority of them could get together. I have been elected, selected, drafted or whatever you want to call it for today's meal. Please say a little prayer for me, and on second thought maybe a bigger prayer for those who will partake of my holiday cooking.

I am happy to report that my turkey is not frozen this year and is ready to pop into the roasting contraption whenever I get the bird ready. Crossing fingers and yet another prayer that the roasting contraption still works as it's been a couple years since I last used it to cook a turkey in.

So much to do, so little time, and it's at moments like this that I find myself procrastinating even more. I should be busy chopping veggies, filling the pickle and olive dishes, slicing that jellied canned cranberry sauce that my mom and sister-in-law crave and refuse to eat any other kind. I should be looking at recipes, gauging how long the ham takes to cook, the turkey, the stuffing, etc. etc. I should be coordinating times and schedules, what goes in first, what should go in next, dig out table settings, tablecloth, pitchers, glasses, and all other sorts of paraphernalia.

Good grief, I should be cleaning, dusting and dusting and more dusting. I should be disturbing spiderwebs, scrubbing floors, shaking rugs, and doing a million other things...But I feel like procrastinating. I will get to it when I get to it, seems to be my motto today. I am wondering if it is some inner sort of rebellion that my subconscious has taken over and is refusing to get into the swing of things. I should be moving, I should be doing stuff, I should be checking the freezer for a carton of cool whip for pie.

I find myself instead logging on here, snooping around a bit and yet not saying much in the fear I won't be able to tear myself away in time for turkey. Turkey takes time, turkey is awfully demanding for a bird, and a dead bird at that.

(sigh) I guess I should go get busy, scatter some dust bunnies, plug in the roaster to make sure it works, go look for poultry seasoning, and maybe a vegetable peeler. I have one of those, somewhere.

Wishing all of you an early turkey day, an early Thanksgiving that makes us all reflect on what we are thankful for this year. Me, I am thankful for family, friends, here and otherwise. Thankful for the cat, most days. Thankful that I am still treading water and keeping afloat in a rotten economy.

I am also thankful that I have a pressed turkey roll in a little aluminum til foil pan as back up in case I blow the big bird in some way....I think the gravy is even included too.

Enjoy your day and continue those prayers for me in the kitchen today and take time to reflect on your own reasons for being thankful this year. One of those reasons being that you are safe from my culinary delights.

 

(pic above, for those who can't view the background on my page)

Garden Stuff 2011

 

Yesterday I was surprised to find a new 2011 spring garden catalog in my mailbox...(neener,neener Vero). With visions of turkey, gravy, stuffing, and pie clouding my thoughts, gardening for the next year was way back on the back burner. I couldn't help but thumb thru the catalog a bit to see their offering and I found my eye drawn to some plants I hadn't grown or heard of before.

PUMPKIN PEPPERS.... Looking a lot like miniature pumpkins but not really a pumpkin...or a pepper. But actually a member of the eggplant family, that is dried like a gourd. It sounded a lot like a plant with an identity crisis to me, which lead me to some googling. It was confusing a bit as there are actually peppers that are called pumpkin peppers that are hot. But the pumpkin peppers that I had seen listed in the catalog are more decorative and not really eaten. My interest was peaked though and I find myself seriously considering trying them next year. If you should google them to read more about them as well, type in "ornamental eggplant pumpkin on a stick" to find the variety mentioned rather than the hot peppers.

STUPICE TOMATO...A Czechoslovakian heirloom tomato that is suppose to be very early to mature. A small 3-4 oz. tomato that is sweet and tangy that you would associate with a beefsteak according to the catalog. After this past years tomato crop failure I am thinking this might be a contender for next year. I am not sure what Stupice stands for, the original breeder, a town, or province in Czechoslovakia but the name is close enough  to stupid which makes me think that even I might have success in growing the plant.

MARCONI RED...An Italian pepper that reportedly is 3 inches across the shoulders and can grow a foot long. Described as exceptionally large and exceptionally sweet has me thinking I want and need to grow anything described as exceptional, not once but twice. I haven't ever grown a foot long pepper before, and just how it would taste any different I'm not sure. But I have a hankering now for marconi peppers which look suspiciously like banana peppers that are just red.

SUGAR BUNS... (sigh) Another disappointed in the garden this year was the sweet corn that was drowned out early in the spring season. For the past several years I have planted a bi-color, but now I am thinking I should switch back to an all yellow variety. Promises of an early sugar enhanced hybrid with a long harvest period sound so  promising. I find though that I am always in a bit of a quandary with those sugar enhanced corn varieties. Reports of needing a bit more soil warmth then the typical sweet corn varieties has me wavering on just when to plant. Plant too early and they sulk and rot in the soil. Plant too late and I end up with stunted knee high stalks that make we want to build a fence to cover my sweet corn shame. This time I am thinking sugar buns is a possibility and it has me lusting to slather it all in butter and salt. Listed beside my Sugar Buns are "Quickie" and "Stowell's evergreen" ....oh decisions, decisions...

KIWANO HORNED MELON...A native of Africa that supposedly has a taste similar to cucumbers, kiwi and banana combined. The real kicker for me though, it is listed as having "flesh quite interesting with a Jello-like consistency"... Well there ya go, you can now grow Jell-o. Who knew? Given the cucumber, kiwi, and banana flavor it is like growing your very own fruit salad, all that you need is a carton of cool whip and you are good to go...(heads up Mac, the flesh looks green too!).

I know it's just my first catalog and many more will start trickling in after the first of the year. So many new plants and discoveries to stumble across has me thinking that 2011 will be an exceptionally good year. The only problem will be trying to pare down my wish list of things to try along with my usual old stand bys, as well as flowers (annuals and perennials) trees, bushes, etc, etc.... I will though, have to make room for Jell-O...

(don't groan, you knew I had to say it!)

 

Tricks or Treats, or Both...

 

As usual, I am behind on my blogging and even though I had plans on writing a big Halloween blog with jokes and quizzes and as many bad puns as I could find, it never quite materialized. Today it is already mid-November and another holiday, Veteran's Day today. I scrapped all plans of my original Halloween blog but still felt like blogging on the past holiday. I guess it's better late than never, but it is changed a bit in it's original idea.

Halloween was a bust this year.

Nine little trick or treaters...wow, only nine. When I turned off my light late that night, I could only shake my head and wonder what had happened to all of the trick or treaters? What had happened to Halloween? Was it because it was on a Sunday? Was it because tomorrow was a school day? Was it because Halloween is no longer the holiday I remembered as a kid?

Of the nine trick or treaters that came knocking on my door, they all had something in common. No the costumes weren't the same, and come to think of it, they all didn't really yell trick or treat, some did. Some just knocked on the door and stood there with their arms outstretched with their little plastic pumpkin containers. All of the trick or treaters had arrived at my doorstep via their parent's cars. I was surprised to see all of their parents drive up to the front door as close as possible and wait with the engine running for them to walk back down the steps and then be whisked off in their vehicles to the next house. I tried to rationalize their reasons...maybe they thought it was too cold, maybe they are afraid of the dark, maybe they were all in a hurry. But I think the biggest reason was our advances in transportation and mobility have made us immobile.

I grumbled....and whined... Noooo, you aren't doing it right. You are messing up the holiday. Halloween is about dressing up in your costumes, homemade or boughten, and getting your big paper bag (okay I know they don't make those any more, but every kid has to have at least one trick or treating experience with a big grocery store paper bag) and your trusty flashlight. Then when it is completely dark outside you are allowed to shuffle along in your dragging costume in small groups, giggling and stumbling in the dark, and hitting all of the good places that hand out the best candy first....sometimes twice, if you think you can get away with it. Down the road you see other small groups of witches, ghosts, and pirates with their small beams of light. Sometimes there would be an extra tall shadow which meant an adult was tagging along. It took awhile, going from house to house, and even though at some houses you only got a stick of gum  or a lonely tootsie roll, you made sure you didn't miss a single dwelling with it's porch light on. This driving around stuff is for sissies.

I moaned for my old Halloween. I longed for my old Halloween. I fear it's gone by the wayside, my old Halloween. The lure of candy isn't there, too commonplace in homes now. The idea of walking in the dark at night, too dangerous most parents will say now. Going to every home on the block a big no-no, because a sex offender lives at such and such address now. It was already hard enough that Halloween had to compete with Christmas on the store shelves now...

It makes me a bit sad that so much of every holiday that I know and celebrate keeps getting streamlined. Less about the process and more about the end product. It loses something in that abbreviated translation.

Haunted houses were big when I was a kid. I didn't even see one advertised this year. Too much work, too much effort, too scary? I don't know, I imagine most would think not scary enough with today's movies. I think most holidays, especially Halloween are about the experience. There is something about Halloween being bad, our last naughty hurrah, before we all have to be good because Santa will be watching.

I never was that bad though on Halloween. A few soaped windows was about the extent of being naughty. I didn't egg or toilet paper anyone's residence. I didn't play any practical jokes or cause my parents to worry that the police would be bringing me home with a stern lecture.

There was one Halloween that my twin brother and I and his girlfriend who was also a friend of mine were out driving around. For some reason we decided to drive way out in the country and soap a friend's windows. We snuck out there in the quiet darkness, parking my brothers car at the bottom of a very steep hill and climbed up that hill to keep from being heard on our mission. We giggled and soaped their car, their pick-up, their front door on their house, all the while they were in the living room watching tv. We would peek in a window to keep an eye on them and continue on our soaping spree. My brother spied a parked grain truck and he went to soap it's windows while us girls ran down the hill giggling all the way.

We hadn't brought a flashlight but there was enough of a moon to guide our steps. We hopped in the car and expected to see my brother coming shortly. As we chatted away we heard a big "thump" on the roof of the small car. We shrieked, we jumped, we had the bejeezus scared out of us. We expected the driver's door to open and my brother to hop in. He didn't. We quickly locked all the doors and peered into the darkness....nothing. We saw nothing. At that moment, every horror/slasher movie we had ever seen ran thru our minds... Two young girls, out in the middle of nowhere. Late at night, deserted country road....yep, we were goners. Any minute I expected to see that creepy hand that always crawls up the outside of the window to appear. We waited, our hearts beating out of our chests. Our eyes darting around the car, peering into the darkness.

Maybe he was hiding under the car, my brother. He was just waiting to jump out and scare us we thought. Soon we heard steps, the crunch of gravel as a figure running down the hill came closer. It was my brother finally. He yelled at us, "why do you have the door locked, unlock the door". We let him in and told him about the thump on the roof of the car. We thought it was him. He laughed and said there was a big cat back in the middle of the road, it must have followed us and jumped on the roof. We sighed with relief but still were a bit doubtful. We hadn't heard the cat jump off the car or seen it walk away. We kept the doors locked all the way home. Our night of trick or treating had the trick played on us. We were spooked by something that grew bigger in our imaginations. We learned that things really do go bump in the night...

Tricks..and treats included, how can you not love Halloween?

 

Garden Notes - Fall Wrap Up...

 

It's been awhile since I have blogged or written much of anything lately. The summer seemed to go by all too quickly and it's hard to believe it's already fall and winter is around the corner. With temps in the 40's at night though it is a very real reminder that the year is almost over for gardening. I have to admit that this year was a bit of a dismal year for veggie gardening. The perennials and flowers basked in all of the rain that seemed to fall for weeks and weeks. The veggies sulked though and some just down right gave up.

Peas and beans did well. Onions and potatoes started to rot. Squash, cukes, and zucchini were abundant. Corn and tomatoes refused to do much of anything. Peppers gave big promises with one big flush of fruits before spending the rest of the summer sitting by idly.

It's enough to make a gardener want to throw in the towel. Each year seems to be a crap shoot and you are never sure what your odds are going to be or how mother nature is going to throw the dice. I have to admit that my heart wasn't into it as much as it was earlier in the year. Between the constant rain and heat and humidity, and having relatives visit for 7-8 weeks, I didn't feel like doing a whole heck of a lot. Spring had me going gangbusters and then things kinda just had to look after themselves for awhile.

August came though and with it some cooler temps that continued into September that had me feeling like I was being dealt a good hand for once. I seemed to get more accomplished lately than I had for the whole summer. New flower beds made, plants shuffled, and even some new purchases made. The above pic is a variegated euonymus that I googled for to show you one of the plants I just put in last week. It was an impulse purchase and I needed a plant for a difficult spot. I hope that it will flourish there despite not having the best of locations. I did like the brightness of the yellow and green leaves and already having some of the more common variegated green and white euonymus, I knew it would - or should, be easy to grow.

A few garden catalogs are still trickling in this fall and has me thinking I need to plant more trees.  A new bulb catalog arrived yesterday that has me thinking tulips, a new catalog of peonies has me thinking (and googling) for peonies....yes I have a bad case of me see - me want.. A typical response for me when any gardening catalog arrives that is usually reserved for spring. Fall seems to be my new spring this year and I am taking advantage of it and it's possibilities, and I hope that you are too...

Links for some of you die hard gardeners:

http://www.paeon.de/0site.html (a fantastic site to view almost any peony variety available)

http://www.bridgewoodgardens.com/ (hosta site, because we can never have enough hostas)

http://www.ensata.com/HTML/PlantPages/siberian_index.htm (try something new like siberian iris)

http://www.farmersalmanac.com/calendar/gardening/ (gardening by the moon, check your planting dates)