I am being stalked by Girl Scouts....Okay it was only one Girl Scout, but she showed up at my door late this evening. I was surprised, it was unexpected. It was cold, it was dark and it had been a snowy day. Thin mints and coconut thingies hadn't even crossed my mind, and I did something I have never done before.... I said "no". Well I did turn her down a little more kindly explaining that I had already bought cookies from another Girl Scout. She turned and left back into the cold darkness and as I shut the door, it hit me....the guilt.
Why is it that turning down a kid selling cookies can wrangle so much guilt? I was tempted to throw the door back open, beckon the little Girl Scout in and buy cookies, extra cookies, to make up for my callousness in saying no. It's just something I haven't really done before. I have blogged before on my weakness for little kids sent door to door to sell stuff. I never say no, I always buy something. I have bought cookies, cookie dough, pizzas, candy, nuts, gift wrap, candles, popcorn, beef logs, cheese tubs, ornaments, bread braids, cookbooks, raffle tickets, magazine subscriptions and almost anything else that those two legged creatures can carry on their return trip to exchange for my money.
I still felt guilty though, and adding to that guilt was the fact I knew this particular Girl Scout. I knew her mom, her dad, her other siblings who had sold me stuff in the past. I knew her grandparents, and pretty much everyone ever related to her. I mentally cringed. I just know the shockwaves would be reverberating off of her parents, her grandparents, and her siblings, and all those other relatives. For the first and only time I had refused to buy anything. All of those purchases in the past I knew would be overlooked in this one moment. It wouldn't matter that I have spent enough in my past purchases to put their other kids thru college...(okay maybe just a junior college)..... I had said no...and it bothered me and still continues to bother me.
I am not even sure why I said no to begin with.... It might have been that it was late and I was tired. Part of it might be the fact that expenses are rising and I need to cut back on non-essential things. It might just be that I am tired of seeing little creatures at my door asking for money for things I don't particularly want or need.
I was tempted to call....call up her mom and say ...Yes! yes, I have found room in the freezer I can take some Girl Scout cookies after all, and then proceed to buy boxes of more cookies to cover my obvious faux paux. It's ridiculous, this guilt feeling. It use to be I would feel guilty for eating the cookies, now I have the added guilt of not just eating, but also not buying the cookies. Guilt can work on you, and it does. Without even leaving your home or doing anything.... guilt will find you. Just saying "No" opens up those floodgates of guilt. It just doesn't cover cookies either, it covers everything, or at least it does for me. I hate saying 'no' when someone asks me for something. Whether it is my time, or a favor, or even just cookies, denying the person who requested something of me, makes me feel guilty. It shouldn't, but it does. I am not sure if it is some deep seated feeling that by saying "no" to them, that I am somehow failing them.
At this point you are most likely mumbling under your breath and rolling your eyes, and thinking..."Vic, it was just a box of overpriced cookies". Call me a sap...a sucker...I know it was only cookies.
I can't help but think of the little girl in dark and the cold and the snow, trudging door to door to ring the bell to make the same plea while I sit at my computer and sip hot cocoa....
A steaming cup of rich hot cocoa with gobs of sugary marshmallows...
...that is a whole other guilt trip all of it's own.
